The Waddell Family: Hard to Say Goodbye

On the afternoon of Saturday, May 25th, my Mamaw, "Bobbie" Fairfax, went to be with the Lord. Everything happened so fast, we didn't really have time to prepare ourselves. I honestly cannot believe she is gone. Let me give you a little history: Mamaw (affectionally called "Plain Mamaw" by our family because we also had a "Mamaw B") had always been very active and very independent. She came by it naturally - her mom, Grandma Joy, was the same way. Grandma Joy lived to be 99 years old. I guess I always just thought that Mamaw would follow in her footsteps.

Mamaw fell on Valentine's Day and broke her hip. She made it through the surgery and rehab and was actually doing quite well getting around, though not 100%. Then she started having a lot of pain in her back and leg. We thought this was being caused by pinched nerves because of compression fractures she had in her back. The doctor decided to do an MRI to check things out. On Monday, my mom, aunt, and uncle found out that Mamaw had cancer. It was all up her spine and there were some spots on her liver. Mom called me on Tuesday morning to tell me. I was so shocked...it was the first time I think Cora Leigh has actually been concerned about me. While I was on the phone, she kept asking me what was wrong. After I was off the phone, I tried my best to explain to my 3 year old that Mamaw was very sick and that eventually she would die. Cora told me that it was okay, that she would come back. I guess the death Cora is most familiar with would be that of Jesus. :) Her innocence is just so sweet and comforting. She kept giving me hugs to make me feel better.

Tuesday night, we went out to visit with Mamaw. It was a beautiful day. Mamaw also seemed to be having a good day. We sat outside much of the evening, visiting with one another and watching the kids play. As we got ready to leave, I joked with Mamaw that I would come back after our beach trip so that she could see my suntan. We were supposed to be leaving for the beach the following Sunday. How quickly things changed.

Wednesday, Mamaw had a scan to assess the extent of the cancer. She had a pretty good day, but was tired after having to wait for the scan. Thursday morning, I got an email from Mom that Mamaw had been pretty sick that morning. However, by afternoon, things were going better. Then Thursday night, my sister, Mandy, called to tell me the results of Wednesday's scan. I was home with the kids while Jeremy was out running an errand. Mandy told me that the cancer was in Mamaw's lung (a very large tumor) and in her lymph nodes in addition to the liver and spine. I was not surprised. Then she told me that the doctor said that she could have a day or two or maybe a week or two. THAT I was not expecting to hear.

Friday morning, Mom was supposed to be going to my brother's house to help my sister-in-law with my nephew's first birthday cake. I spent the morning taking care of the kids, vacuuming, and was working on cleaning the crib that we were graciously given when I got a call from Mom. It was really strange, she just asked me if I wanted to talk to Mamaw. I asked if she was already there, expecting her to be helping Amye, and she replied, "Yeah, it's kind of a necessity." I was in shock. I was devastated. So, I dropped what I was doing so that I could go say goodbye to my Mamaw.

I am thankful I was able to leave the kids with my dad at my brother's house. As I dropped Cora and Micah off, Cora asked me where I was going. I told her, and she wanted to know why. I said, "Well, because I love Mamaw." She said, "I love Mamaw, too!" I got to spend the afternoon and evening with Mamaw and my family. By the time I got there, Mamaw was mostly unresponsive. However, every now and then you would see her smile or try to talk or open her eyes. I had a class on death and dying in grad school, and I recognized some of the signs that Mamaw was actively dying, but it was much harder to see in person than to study in a book. I am so thankful that I had that time to tell Mamaw again that I loved her. I told her that Cora had said that she loved her. I got to sit and hold her hand and remember so many fun times that we had together.

The afternoon started with Mamaw seeming peaceful. However, as the afternoon progressed, it seemed that she was in pain. We could not get her to swallow to take her pain pill. We were anxiously waiting for Hospice to come. Well, apparently everyone was running late on Friday. Hospice finally arrived around 4:30. She was able to give Mamaw some meds, and it made such a difference! Unfortunately, they did not have anyone available to stay with Mamaw, so the decision had to be made whether to keep her at home or transfer her to a hospice facility where they could monitor her 24/7 and ensure that her needs were being met and that she was being kept comfortable. As much as the kids wanted her to be at home, they did not want her to suffer, so she was transferred. I got to say my last goodbye and give Mamaw one last kiss before they took her in the ambulance. Tough, tough moment. I couldn't watch them take her away. It was just too much.

Saturday, Mamaw's three kids stayed with her. Around 1:00 that afternoon, while we were celebrating Harrison's 1st birthday, Mamaw took her final breath. I still cannot believe it. I miss her. I wish we would have had more time. I wish my kids would have had more time with her. She loved my kids. She especially loved getting Micah to smile and laugh at her. I can see the smile on her face as she played peek-a-boo with him. She usually was able to at least get a smile! I hate that Micah will probably not have any memory of his Great Mamaw. I hate even more that Mamaw won't be here to meet her new great-granddaughter in a few weeks.

Because of the timing of everything, I'm not going to be able to go to the beach to get my suntan. We were worried how Cora would take the news of our cancelled beach trip, but she didn't get upset at all. I tried to explain to her that Mamaw had died, and that she was no longer sick and was in Heaven with Jesus now. She still thought Mamaw would be coming back, and I explained that we were sad because we wouldn't get to see her again until God decides it's time for us to go to Heaven to be with Jesus. I think she had some understanding, because I did see a little sadness in her eyes. In a later conversation, I was telling her that our hearts were hurting, and she told me that her heart was hurting too. Broke my heart even more! I had Jeremy drop her off at Sunday school this morning while I dropped off Micah. He was telling her sweet teachers (Mrs. Ruth and Mr. George) about the events of the week when Cora interrupted and told them that Mamaw was sick, but now she was living with Jesus! Praise God, it's true!

Mamaw was always such an encourager to me. She always told me how proud she was of me, and I'm pretty sure she was the founder and only member of my flute fan club. :) I am so thankful that I had 32 years with my Mamaw. I only wish I could have had 20 more.